Most of what you hear nowadays is that you SHOULD step out of your comfort zone because it's GOOD. It makes you grow. It tests you. It makes you know who you are. Being uncomfortable is the key to success. Etc.
Definitely!
In fact, this was actually one of the reflection points in one of our previous Sound Bath sessions… the question was: When did you last step out of your comfort zone?
Even in yoga classes, I tell my students to find the edge of their comfort in holding the poses. To stay with the discomfort because that’s where they grow in the practice.
That’s why you should jump at the opportunity to get uncomfortable, right?
Wrong.
The point is to be aware whether or not you're getting too comfortable staying within your comfort zone... whether you're staying there because you're afraid... or because you're resistant to change... or because you can't tolerate the discomfort... etc.
Stepping out of your comfort zone isn't the end goal. There is a why behind it staying in it and a why behind stepping out of it. And whether that why is good or not is for you to judge for yourself.
But here's an UNPOPULAR OPINION... Comfort is good. That's why most of us like it. You can't go wrong when you're in a state of comfort. So I dare say for you to STAY COMFORTABLE & WITHIN YOUR COMFORT ZONE.
Here's why...
3 Reasons Why You Should Stay Comfortable (and When Not To)
1. You’re happy & content
You know that thing where someone is so used to having problems that it becomes a problem when they don’t have a problem? Don’t be like that.
When you’re happy and content, that’s good! That means you’re in a good space.
Be grateful for these moments of comfort. It doesn’t mean you’re not growing. It could mean you’re in between bouts of growth. It could mean you’re basking in the afterglow of your growth having recently stepped out of your comfort zone. But for now, you're happy and content.
So don't take away this joyful moment for yourself now by thinking that you should be uncomfortable because if you’re not comfortable, you’re not growing. See how this statement just saps the joy out of you?
And nope. Being uncomfortable isn't always a sign of growth. Sometimes, being uncomfortable all the time even stunts your growth. Too much of it can actually paralyze you or make you lose your place in this world. Worse, you might even start feeling like you're being punished for always being in this state of discomfort all the time.
Having that happy and content space gives you time to rest. So stay in that brand of comfort for as long as needed.
WHEN NOT TO: The only time that you need to step out of your comfort zone is when you’re no longer happy or content with where you are. Or when you’re pretending to be happy and content just to cover up some fear or some resistance to change.
At this point, that’s already your Soul telling you that you’re ready to get a move on. That’s your signal.
2. You’re in the flowBeing in the flow is similar to being happy and content. You’re in a good space. Actually one of the best spaces to be in.
This happens when you’re doing something you’re passionate about that you're just having fun doing what you're doing. Sometimes, it's when you're doing something you’re quite skillful in that doing it is just second nature.
And in this space, you can’t say you’re not growing. You’re actually growing tremendously... it's not just the point because at that moment, nothing else matters to you but the act of doing.
In these moments, you’re fully living in the present moment that everything else, growth, discomfort, or even comfort do not mean anything. You’re just living fully when you’re in the flow.
When you get in the flow of dancing, for example, your movements become more fluid, your breath in sync with your steps, and there is no hesitation in what you’re doing… no time to think if you can do this or that. You just flow and are fully present in dancing.
And if you’ve seen the movie Soul, you know that being in the zone or in the flow doesn’t last very long. You gradually or maybe even abruptly snap out of it.
You gradually “snap” out of it when you’re done with what you’re doing. Afterwards, you may reflect on that moment of flow and bask in the aftermath… maybe of having done an extra spin when you wouldn’t have been able to had you not been in the flow. Oftentimes, when you gradually snap out of your flow, you enter the happy & content space.
Also like in the movie, Soul, you can snap out of the flow when something distracts you. If it’s some outside force, then there’s nothing you can do about it for now.
WHEN NOT TO: If you snap out of your flow because you yourself are causing the distraction, you might need to ask yourself why. Chances are, there’s something in you that gets triggered when you’re absorbed in the present moment. This could be your ego wanting to separate itself or it could be something else.
At this point, you have the choice to step out of comfort zone by getting to know one of your shadows. This one being the type that stops you from something so good a being in the flow.
3. You’re waitingThis is not some excuse. You’re waiting not for the next comfortable space to come along and you just jump over the uncomfortable parts.
No.
In the first place, you can’t have gaping holes of discomfort within your comfort zone. That's unhealthy! (and subject to another discussion) And secondly, it defeats the purpose of growing, getting to know yourself, and all that stepping out of your comfort zone is supposed to do.
But, you are waiting for something. You don’t just go blindly into the wilderness. You at least need to have a reason to. At best, you have a plan.
What I’m saying here is you choose your own battle. You choose your brand of discomfort. Intuitively, you know which areas you need to grow in. For some people, they know the exact moment when they would take the step into the wilderness.
You’re waiting for that moment. So if you’re comfortable while waiting, there’s no harm in that. As long as you don’t pass that moment that you’ve been waiting for, you’re all good.
WHEN NOT TO: So when that moment you're waiting for comes along, ready or not... be bold and take the first step!
So again, would you jump at the first opportunity of getting uncomfortable?
If it’s for the sake of “stepping out of my comfort zone means I’m growing”, definitely not. NO! That’s just you torturing yourself and it won’t give you a sense of fulfillment… just a consolation.
You deserve more than a consolation.
BONUS: A Chance to Practice Awareness
Now you may be asking: So what now?
For now, check your space. Are you currently comfortable or uncomfortable?
If you’re comfortable, does this mean you’re happy and content? Are you in the flow? Or are you waiting? If your answer is yes in all 3, then relish your comfortable space. You’ll know when you need to step out of it.
If you’re uncomfortable, ask yourself why you’re uncomfortable and what area/s in your life you’re feeling this.
Is it something you can embrace? Like in yoga, is it something you can sit in and breathe in and come to accept? Do you know what will come out of staying in this uncomfortable space? Is the best outcome something you desire?
If yes, then your uncomfortable space is the good kind of space. And this will give you a sense of fulfillment, regardless of the outcome.
If your answer to any of the questions is no, then you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you’re staying in this kind of space in the first place.
MINDFULNESS TIP: At random times each day, check you space and do this exercise.
- Rate your level of comfort.
- I like using "-3" as being uncomfortable, "3" as being quite comfortable, and "0" as a healthy growth space.
- If you fall on the negative scale, answer the questions above (under "if you're uncomfortable").
- A "yes" answer means you're actually closer to "0", your growth space;
- A "no" answer means you're closer to "-3" and depending on your tolerance, you may need to find a way get closer to "0".
Tell me, what’s the space you’re in right now? And if ever you find yourself mostly in an uncomfortable space to point of feeling overwhelmed by it (a "-3"), get my Mindful Practice Guide. It gives you 3 simple activities you can do so you can get step away from the unhealthy discomfort that you’re in.
